擁抱過往、接受一切、掌握命運的Cody Fern

下文節錄自 Cody Fern 的 Instagram (目前該照片及文章已刪除)

Incoming essay...
I'm not a person who likes to look back. Lately, my life has been overflowing with wonder and magic. I'm happier than I've ever been. But I've also noticed a rising anxiety - especially with social media. I’m a private person. I prefer mystery. But I'm pulled into the past every time I see a photo from a long (and purposefully forgotten) era - a photo that I didn't choose to put out into the world. It's confronting. Cringing, I look at these old pictures and think about who I am now and who I was then and the wide gulf that stretches out between us. Who was he? Why did he dress like that? What's with that hideous haircut? Why wasn't he 'cooler' or at least, why didn't people like him? Why didn't he like himself? I judge him and all of his choices. The gulf gets wider and my anxiety grows. Here's the thing - I was nerdy, sensitive, awkward and afraid. I was a day dreamer. I was bullied. I struggled to make friends. I struggled to fit in. I struggled to stand out. I struggled with weight. With acne. With girls. With guys. With life. The road to who I am now is littered with phases that I was embarrassed of, regretted or would otherwise choose to forget. But in rejecting these parts of myself, I realize now that I reject my journey - and I don't want to do that. So, this is me taking ownership of all of the pieces. It's trivial, but I'm sharing these intimate snapshots as a small act of rebellion against self judgement. I'm proud of the growth and evolution that I've undergone and I'm grateful for all of the moments, especially the tough ones that helped forge who l am today. I'm choosing to own my journey with compassion, in all of it's embarrassing face-palm glory. Enjoy x

Ps. Now that Iv'e put it out there, this post will be gone by the end of the day. It was a moment of ownership for me - shared with you - always meant to be just as ephemeral as the moments captured. In sharing these memories and my thoughts, I was staking claim to my own narrative and banishing the sense of powerlessness I feel when that right is taken away. Yes, people will share more unauthorized moments, found in the dark corners of the internet, but now they won’t alarm me. Who I choose to be now and who I am becoming is an amalgamation of all that’s come before. I own my story. And by embracing it all, I choose to live shame free. Thanks for coming to my ted talk. Love. ❤️


文長慎入…
我並不是一個喜歡回首過往的人。最近我的生活充滿著各種驚奇和魔幻，感到前所未有的快樂。但同時我也注意到焦慮的情緒日益高漲，尤其來自社交平台。我注重個人隱私也樂於保持神秘感，但每當我看到一張張年代久遠（那些刻意遺忘的過往）的照片便被拉回過去，而這些照片我並無意公諸於世。正視它。我畏縮看著這些舊照，開始思考我是誰？過去的我又是誰？以及我們之間的巨大鴻溝。他是誰？他為什麼穿成那樣？那是什麼可怕的髮型？他為什麼一點也不酷？或者至少，為什麼沒有人喜歡他？為什麼他不喜歡自己？我評判著他和他曾經的選擇，鴻溝越來越大，而這也加劇我的焦慮情緒。我承認，我曾經是個書呆子，個性敏感、愛鬧彆扭又膽小。曾做著白日夢，曾遭受霸凌。我努力交朋友，努力適應，努力脫穎而出。我掙扎著體重、臉上的青春痘，掙扎和女孩、和男孩在一起，以及掙扎著我的生活。在這條成就我的道路上充斥著各種令我感到尷尬、後悔或是想遺忘的部份。但在抗拒這部份的自己時，我意識到這將否定我的人生經歷與過程，我並不想這樣作。所以，這是我對自身所擁有的主宰。我發的照片其實無關緊要，但藉由這些私人舊照是對自我懷疑的反擊。我為我的成長經歷與進化感到驕傲，感激每個時刻，特別是那些磨練我的艱難時刻，才能成就今天的我。我選擇帶著同理心擁有我的過去，無論是令人尷尬或無言都引以為豪。Enjoy x

另外，既然我已開誠布公，這篇貼文將在今天結束時刪除。這對我來說是主宰自身所擁有的重要時刻 ― 與你們分享 ― 這意味著轉眼稍縱即逝。分享這些回憶與想法，其實是在拿回屬於我的發言權，並驅逐當這權利被剝奪時的無力感。是的，我知道還是會有人在網路的各個陰暗角落挖掘那些未經我授權的過往，但他們再也不會影響到我。現在，我將選擇及變成怎樣的人都是融合著過往的經歷。屬於我的故事，接受這一切，我不會再感到羞愧。謝謝大家來觀看我的TED演講。Love ❤️



#翻譯僅供參考
#若有誤請不吝嗇指教
#無断転載禁止